This is such a tender and complicated grief, and you’ve expressed it with so much honesty and nuance. Belonging, especially within family systems, can be such a layered experience—and the way you’re allowing art to help you navigate these contradictions is deeply brave.
What you shared about “grieving what could have been” resonated. That kind of grief is real, and it deserves space. I’m glad you’re letting your art guide you through the emotions without forcing clarity before it’s ready. That in itself is a form of belonging—to yourself, to your own pace, to your own healing.
Sending gentleness as things settle, and gratitude for how openly you share your process.
Damn, that's a lot. I'm sorry for your loss. All of it.
I'm a father myself, and I can't imagine creating an environment for my kids that would make any of them feel like they don't belong, at any age. My kids (like me, as I found out at age 44) are neurodivergent. They are still young. And yes, it's hard sometimes. They all have big feelings and the younger two, in particular, have big-ish needs. There's not a chance I'd ever make them feel like a burden for it.
I'm sorry your father (your biological one, at any rate) didn't make that same commitment for you.
Anyway, I've just discovered you today, and I love your art! Looking forward to seeing more tomorrow -- give or take :)
Thank you Michael, my neurodivergent journey has been alongside my children and so our household is totally neurodivergent friendly for all of us. There was no awareness when I was a child which complicated my already complicated life! I am really pleased that you are able to also create a nurturing and supportive environment for you and your children! It is so important! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I'm so pleased you are enjoying my art! 💖
It's little wonder your grief feels complicated. The way you found out the truth about your biological Dad was really insensitive, and it seems he didn't communicate well with your other half-siblings.
Your paintings are beautiful and illustrate the complexity of all these feelings. I'm glad you were able to create them. Take care of yourself, and keep creating.
Your paintings are stunning, and the way you channel these layerd emotions into such vibrant work is really powerful. The complexity of griving someone who never fully showed up for you is rarely talked about. Your honesty here creates space for others navigating simlar terrain. It sounds like you're giving yourself what he couldn't, which is exactly where healing starts.
That's a lot for you to be going through, and I'm so sorry that you are. This is the kind of complicated greif that people don't tend to talk about, and I understand, in part at least, how it feels. I hope you're able to move through it, and process it at your own pace and in your own way, as I can see you already are with your paintings 🖤 Has writing and sharing this helped to organise your thoughts a little?
Thank you Debs, yes I think I needed to do this. I can't share on my Facebook but I felt the need to say my piece somewhere. I really appreciate your kind comments 💖
I'm sorry you have been so badly hurt by this man and his inability to properly connect - it sounds like you are not the only one of your half-sibkings who has been damaged along the way...
Your art, yes, and your own clear sense of self are what will be your healing 🫂
Thank you for taking us into your world with your beautiful writing and art.
I suspect the loss and confusion will be a companion for many years to come. I hope that those new connections that are healthy expand and grow. And that your connection with the family you grew up with gives you the grounding you need.
We have a family member in our extended family in a similar situation (although we knew and he knew from a much younger age - I’m so sorry for your journey 😔), and we love him so so much. It doesn’t matter that he isn’t “blood”, he is ours. And I really hope that he thinks we are his too. 💕💕💕
Thank you for sharing. I have had a similar experience recently - grieving for what might have been but not feeling as if i belonged to the more traditional grief after losing a parent. I didn't really know how to put it into words . Health has to be a priority and i understand your needing to paint . I could do with getting a sketchbook out as i'm feeling overwhelmed trying to pack for an early family christmas gathering this weekend. I think the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one and then to build a circle around you of people who do get you or are willing to listen and have compassion and patience. Take time with processing things
Thank you Cath, I'm sorry you've had similar. Hope your family meet up is nice and the overwhelm settles, a sketch book sounds a really good plan. Thank you for your kind comment x
That's such a painful experience to have to go through. I don't know you well but I enjoy your pictures and I hope that helps you navigate this difficult time.
Your words carry the weight of a story that never got the chance to become whole, and you tell it with candor that feels both tender and unflinching. Grief takes many shapes, and yours feels like the grief of unrealized possibilities, of a door that kept opening and closing before you could step through. The contradictions you describe are real, and they leave echoes long after the moment has passed.
I’m glad you’re letting art lead you through the tangle. Art has a way of holding feelings that the mind can’t sort yet. I hope this next stretch gives you room to rest, breathe, and settle back into the relationships that truly know how to hold you. Your reflection here is brave, and I’m grateful you shared it.
This is such a tender and complicated grief, and you’ve expressed it with so much honesty and nuance. Belonging, especially within family systems, can be such a layered experience—and the way you’re allowing art to help you navigate these contradictions is deeply brave.
What you shared about “grieving what could have been” resonated. That kind of grief is real, and it deserves space. I’m glad you’re letting your art guide you through the emotions without forcing clarity before it’s ready. That in itself is a form of belonging—to yourself, to your own pace, to your own healing.
Sending gentleness as things settle, and gratitude for how openly you share your process.
Thank you so much Sunshine 💖
Damn, that's a lot. I'm sorry for your loss. All of it.
I'm a father myself, and I can't imagine creating an environment for my kids that would make any of them feel like they don't belong, at any age. My kids (like me, as I found out at age 44) are neurodivergent. They are still young. And yes, it's hard sometimes. They all have big feelings and the younger two, in particular, have big-ish needs. There's not a chance I'd ever make them feel like a burden for it.
I'm sorry your father (your biological one, at any rate) didn't make that same commitment for you.
Anyway, I've just discovered you today, and I love your art! Looking forward to seeing more tomorrow -- give or take :)
Thank you Michael, my neurodivergent journey has been alongside my children and so our household is totally neurodivergent friendly for all of us. There was no awareness when I was a child which complicated my already complicated life! I am really pleased that you are able to also create a nurturing and supportive environment for you and your children! It is so important! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I'm so pleased you are enjoying my art! 💖
It's little wonder your grief feels complicated. The way you found out the truth about your biological Dad was really insensitive, and it seems he didn't communicate well with your other half-siblings.
Your paintings are beautiful and illustrate the complexity of all these feelings. I'm glad you were able to create them. Take care of yourself, and keep creating.
Thank you Jane 💖
Your paintings are stunning, and the way you channel these layerd emotions into such vibrant work is really powerful. The complexity of griving someone who never fully showed up for you is rarely talked about. Your honesty here creates space for others navigating simlar terrain. It sounds like you're giving yourself what he couldn't, which is exactly where healing starts.
Thank you! That's really supportive and helpful 💖
That's a lot for you to be going through, and I'm so sorry that you are. This is the kind of complicated greif that people don't tend to talk about, and I understand, in part at least, how it feels. I hope you're able to move through it, and process it at your own pace and in your own way, as I can see you already are with your paintings 🖤 Has writing and sharing this helped to organise your thoughts a little?
Thank you Debs, yes I think I needed to do this. I can't share on my Facebook but I felt the need to say my piece somewhere. I really appreciate your kind comments 💖
Sometimes the act of writing it all down really does help to unjumble the chaos.
Be gentle with yourself 💜
Thank you. Yes definitely trying to be 💜
I'm sorry you have been so badly hurt by this man and his inability to properly connect - it sounds like you are not the only one of your half-sibkings who has been damaged along the way...
Your art, yes, and your own clear sense of self are what will be your healing 🫂
Thank you 💖
Thank you for taking us into your world with your beautiful writing and art.
I suspect the loss and confusion will be a companion for many years to come. I hope that those new connections that are healthy expand and grow. And that your connection with the family you grew up with gives you the grounding you need.
We have a family member in our extended family in a similar situation (although we knew and he knew from a much younger age - I’m so sorry for your journey 😔), and we love him so so much. It doesn’t matter that he isn’t “blood”, he is ours. And I really hope that he thinks we are his too. 💕💕💕
Thank you for your kind words 💖
Thank you for sharing. I have had a similar experience recently - grieving for what might have been but not feeling as if i belonged to the more traditional grief after losing a parent. I didn't really know how to put it into words . Health has to be a priority and i understand your needing to paint . I could do with getting a sketchbook out as i'm feeling overwhelmed trying to pack for an early family christmas gathering this weekend. I think the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one and then to build a circle around you of people who do get you or are willing to listen and have compassion and patience. Take time with processing things
Thank you Cath, I'm sorry you've had similar. Hope your family meet up is nice and the overwhelm settles, a sketch book sounds a really good plan. Thank you for your kind comment x
❤️💜💙🩵💚 Wishing you comfort and healing. Love this painting.
Thank you so much 💖
❤️❤️❤️
I think you succeed in your aim - I look forward to seeing your paintings. I love the fact that you do it just for you.
That's such a painful experience to have to go through. I don't know you well but I enjoy your pictures and I hope that helps you navigate this difficult time.
Thank you 💖
Your words carry the weight of a story that never got the chance to become whole, and you tell it with candor that feels both tender and unflinching. Grief takes many shapes, and yours feels like the grief of unrealized possibilities, of a door that kept opening and closing before you could step through. The contradictions you describe are real, and they leave echoes long after the moment has passed.
I’m glad you’re letting art lead you through the tangle. Art has a way of holding feelings that the mind can’t sort yet. I hope this next stretch gives you room to rest, breathe, and settle back into the relationships that truly know how to hold you. Your reflection here is brave, and I’m grateful you shared it.
Thank you so much for your kind words 💖
Bold, brave post. I love the many layers of support and processing you are wrapping yourself up in during such difficult and unfathomable times 💙
Thank you so much Amber 💖